I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i wish my penis had a tongue
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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