He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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