I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
