When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
