Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
