Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
