im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
