but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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