She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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