i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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