the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
