I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
