I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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