hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
