she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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