the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
