I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
