how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
