god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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