Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
