he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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