I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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