Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm bleeding and have questions
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