Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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