I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
