Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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