Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
