Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
