I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
