It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
