i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
