They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
