I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
