Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are we still banned from the library?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
