If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They have beer where we have blood.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
