but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
