Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We need a shit load of segways right now
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
