we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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