that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
