so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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