She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
