The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
