You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'm really busy with my period
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