We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Oh god it's open bar.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
