Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
