when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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