In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
