roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
