I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
