We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
