u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
