Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
