Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
