so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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