Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
