Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
A bitchslap is in order.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
