Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
