Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
