i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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