It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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